The Anatomy of a Sex God
by alBBie
Summary: Draco Malfoy has a problem and there's only one girl who can fix it. R&R, Voldemort later.
1. Pain

**A/N: **I've been working with this story for a long time and it probably won't make much sense at the beginning but… I want to write it. I don't know how long this story will end up being if it even gets reviewed and I end up continuing, but right now it feels like it might be sort of short. But we can change that!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the idea.

**00000**

Some would say I have a gift. Others would say I had a power. I would say I had a problem.

I have had women all over me my entire life. Girls my age, older, younger, my parents' friends, teachers – all of them. There's something about me they all love. It could be my dashing good looks; platinum blonde hair, tall and skinny, piercing eyes. Or my incessant charm, wit, and intelligence.

I'm getting off topic. The point is everyone has just seen me as your above-average sex god who takes it all for granted and loves women. But I have come to realize that there's more to it than that. I think I may have slight emotional problems.

It was January, maybe a week after winter vacation had ended, and I was walking through the hallways receiving flirtatious phrases from girls, envious glares, and even stares of awe from the younger boys.

If only they knew.

"Draco!" someone cried, popping up next to me.

"Hi, Pansy…" I answered reluctantly.

"What are you doing tonight…?" she asked seductively. Or at least, what she thought was seductively.

"Homework," I answered plainly.

She forced a loud laugh. "Homework! That's a good one, Drakie. Really, what are you doing?"

"Homework," I repeated.

She stopped and stared at me. I stared back.

"I… I don't get it…" she said, puzzled.

Luckily, we had reached the location of my next class. So I just turned and stepped inside.

**0000**

That evening at dinner I ate with my usual group. Pansy pouted at me from across the table as I scanned the room for that night's conquest. I came to the conclusion a few seconds later that I was going to sleep solo for the night. I'd practically done everyone in the fifth, sixth, and seventh years and I was getting a bit tired. No one would have ever believed me if I said that out loud.

So when I finished my meal I ignored Pansy's protests and headed straight up to the prefect's dormitory. It was a single room near the prefect's bathroom with just a large bed, nightstand, and dresser. It was almost as though they knew what students were going to use it for. Everyone knew it was mine, though. If anyone wanted to use it for the night they had to take it up with me and rent it out. Although as of that night I had never gotten a request for that. I think they all admired me too much to take away a chance for me to use my "ability", if you will.

It was only seven-o-clock, I didn't have much to do, and I hadn't done my homework in ages so I decided to try it out. I took out my Potions homework and began writing. I got sick of it by nine-o-clock and climbed into bed. This was the first night in a while that I wasn't sleeping with anyone. It was a strange experience; it really was. To not feel the warmth of someone beside you that you're used to is an odd feeling of deprivation.

**0000**

The next night I brought Pansy up to the room but it took me two hours to fall asleep, and I woke up with the sun that morning. She was lying soundly asleep on my chest. I glanced down at her. For some reason I didn't feel a thing. And I'm not talking sexually. It felt like a part of me was missing that was usually fulfilled by women. I felt complete in the mornings and that's why I did it. But suddenly these girls just weren't cutting it anymore. I knew that I needed some new meat.

Time went on. I woke up alone and confused every morning before remembering my chance of sleeping habits. I wasn't eating right, I wasn't getting enough sleep – and it was showing.

"What's wrong with you, Draco?" Blaise finally asked me during breakfast two weeks later.

I poked at some eggs with my fork and merely shrugged.

"When was the last time you had sex?" he questioned bluntly.

"Two weeks," I managed to let out.

Blaise snorted into his hand.

"Don't laugh at me," I retorted. "You know perfectly well that it has nothing to do with me not being able to get any action. Because you know I'm capable of that!"

Blaise just continued laughing.

**0000**

I knew there had to be something out there that would cure my so-called problem. It never occurred to me that it could be a person. As far as I was concerned, I had slept with every available person in the entire school. So what difference would it make if I slept with someone again? Unfortunately for me, I had forgotten someone that I had yet to sleep with. And if you had told me just a month before that she would be the answer to my problem, I probably would have drowned myself in the lake.

But I continued to go on with my life, although I was withering away as a person. I had lost an extreme amount of weight and I was skinny to begin with. I was becoming even paler and my eyes were sunken in. And there's something else that I've never old anyone before: my hair was falling out a bit, too.

People didn't treat me like they used to. They avoided me a bit. The only person who would really talk to me was Blaise, but he would generally just make fun of me.

There was something that I would do when I really needed to clear my head. I hadn't done it in about a year or so, but I used to do it a lot. It helped me think and sort stuff out. I would sit in a certain spot outside the castle where no one would ever go with by back against the frigid stone wall. I would sit only in my flannel pajama pants with a cigarette and let the snow fall down on me.

I know it's weird but it helped.

It had been a month so that first week of February, I was sitting in my spot with my eyes closed, my legs folded over each other and my back stick straight against the stone wall. I let out a long smoky breath and flicked the ashes off the end of my cigarette, still with my eyes closed. Until I heard a scream.

It was a quick, girly scream that one usually releases out of shock. I opened an eye. A few feet away, Hermione Granger had stepped around the corner of the castle and laid her Mudblood eyes upon me. She sighed and looked away, collecting herself.

"Malfoy," she finally said, "what on earth are you doing?"

"Sitting shirtless in the snow and smoking a cigarette, what does it look like to you?" Thankfully I was back to my sarcastic old self.

"You smoke?" she questioned.

"Nice observation."

"No, it's just that I've never seen a wizard smoke before…" she told me.

"Well now you have," I replied. "You learn something new everyday."

"That you do," she said quietly, starting to walk by me.

"Well, what are _you_ doing over here, Granger?" I asked, slightly envious of her warm coat and scarf.

"Walking through the snowy grounds alone, what does it look like I'm doing?" she responded, waltzing off and leaving me to wheeze alone in her footprints.

**0000**

I may have gotten my ability to remark sarcastically back, but I didn't get my skills at deduction. It took me until that night, falling asleep solo in the prefect's dorm once again, to realize that Granger was the only girl in the sixth or seventh years that I had not slept with.

I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind and tried to fall asleep. But I couldn't. It wasn't just the thought of sleeping with a nasty Mudblood; I hadn't been able to sleep for quite some time. It was one of the side effects to my newly discovered problem.

Eventually I was lucky enough to slip into dreamland, as I always was, but, as usual, it wasn't until three hours before I was going to wake up the next morning anyway.

**0000**

The next morning my first class was Potions which happened to, of course, be with Granger. Every time I looked at her the thought of sleeping with her to get out of this filthy state of starvation and insanity filled my brain and made me want to puke the nonexistent contents of my stomach. It was awful. But by the end of the day, after her poisoning my brain throughout several classes, I had come to the conclusion that I would have to do just that; sleep with her. And it would take time and willpower. But it was the only way it could be done.

**0000**

**A/N: **This story isn't just about sex… Although it definitely sounds like it is. This isn't really the way I was hoping it would turn out but it did. Oh well. I know I have a billion stories right now but won't let me upload for some reason because my "stories" page doesn't load. I'll try and upload from another computer when I have a chance. Tell me your truthful feelings on this story! Voldemort and Death Eaters in later chapters… Oh, if you review I'll give you some Annie's Mac and Cheese. Mmmm…


	2. Despair

**A/N:** Thanks to the five reviewers!

**Nova-Janna:** I'm glad you liked it! Hee, hee, I thought that line was sort of funny, too… Thanks for reviewing.

**hedwigmail:** Yes, Annie's is much better for you! Ha, ha. Anyway, thanks a lot for reviewing. The site is now letting me update! Yesss! Although now that I've just said that out loud (or rather… typed it…) I've probably jinxed it and it will never work again. Great.

**xxlei: **Ha, ha. I'm glad you think so, but may I ask why? Thanks for reviewing!

**Shan: **Lol! Why won't your family feed you? Thanks for reviewing!

**Alenor: **Draco's gone crazy! Ha, ha. Thanks for your review!

**Disclaimer: **Here's what I own: the idea. Here's what J.K. owns: All of the characters. And the location. And the classes. And the Sex Gods. Sigh.

**0000**

It was absolutely official that I had lost my position as the school Sex God for not having done it in a month when I walked upstairs to the Prefect's Dormitory that Friday evening. I was hoping for a peaceful – or not so peaceful with my stupid babbling mind – night to myself where I could just sort out all the irritating problems that were running incessantly through my brain. But when I recited the password and stepped through the portrait hole, instead I found two people had taken my lovely room from me.

"Um… Excuse me?" I said, confused.

The two looked up from their foreplay. It was none other than Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter.

_Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter_.

_They_ were getting more action than I was.

"Yes, Malfoy?" Harry questioned after a moment's awkward silence.

"…This is my room…" I said, still somewhat puzzled.

The two burst out laughing like a pair of awful sit-com stars or something. It was disgusting.

"You certainly haven't been using this room for what it's actually used for," Ginny said.

"And besides; when was it ever your room?" Harry asked rudely.

My mouth dropped open. Dare he question my sexual authority? "This has always been _my room_," I retorted. "As long as I've been a prefect, it has. Everyone in this entire school knows that. Now get out." I stepped aside, leaving a clear path from the bed to the portrait hole. "Please."

There was another moment of awkward silence.

"Draco," Harry finally said. "We're not leaving. It would be great if you would, though."

I scowled at the two of them, half jealous and half just plain angry. "Fuck you," I finally mumbled, leaving the room in an agitated huff.

What had become of me?

**0000**

I couldn't believe I was doing it, but there was no other way. It was a bright and cheerful Saturday afternoon so I looked where I assumed she would most likely be spending her time. Of course, I was right on my first guess.

I'm an incredible judge of character. Sex Gods have to be, didn't you know that?

She was sitting at a table covered with books in the back of the library, scribbling away at the longest piece of parchment I've ever seen.

I sat down across from her. "Hi," I finally said when she didn't look up.

She glanced up and then back down at her parchment and then back up again. "Malfoy?" was her response.

"Hi, Hermione," I said again.

"…Hi…?"

"Yes, that would be a good response," I said cleverly.

She smiled smally before turning back to her parchment.

"Incase you haven't noticed, I've been a little off lately." I cut to the chase.

"Mmhmm…" she reacted vaguely.

"And I think that you can help me fix my problem," I continued.

She paused in her writing, put her quill down, and calmly looked up at me. "What?" she simply asked.

"I think you can help me fix my problem," I repeated.

"…How…?" she questioned.

"Well," I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "You may or may not know this – well, you probably do – but I've slept with every girl in the sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts."

She looked dubious.

"Except you."

"Thanks for that information," she said sarcastically.

"Let me finish," I commanded nicely. "I just think that if we could spend some… _quality time_ together… I might go back to my old self."

She looked at me curiously before her eyes widened. She finally got it. "Malfoy – Malfoy are you asking me to –" she lowered her voice to a whisper, "– _sleep with you_?"

"We –" I started.

"No, no, no. You can't just put it that blatantly," she interrupted. "No, Malfoy – Are you out of your mind? Are you crazy? It's me! Hermione Granger! The filthy Mudblood! This really is getting to your head." She was babbling. "I'm sure Pansy would be more than _ecstatic_ to sleep with you so go bother her and leave me to do my Transfiguration essay in peace, please!"

"Hermione, you're taking this completely the wrong way," I retorted.

"No, I am not!" she cried in a harsh whisper.

"Yes, you are," I said. "You are the only person who can save me from this awful punishment. You are the only person who can cure my ailment. I hate it as much as you do but it must be done." I was turning into some stupid poet or something. At least that's what I sounded like.

"Draco, you're being crazy," she explained, speaking in her normal voice once again. "Now leave before I call Madame Pince over here and accuse you of sexual harassment."

I frowned at her before reluctantly standing up in my seat. I turned around but not soon enough to see her flashing me one of _my_ smirks.

The world was on a downward spiral and I needed to stop it.

**0000**

Another week went by and every time I passed Hermione in the hallways she would avoid me. She would just turn around and walk the other way. Well at least that meant that she was intimidated by me. If she wasn't intimidated by me then she wouldn't run away from me. She obviously was running because she had something to fear. And that meant that I was getting to her. It would still take time, but I was still getting to her.

I finally decided it would be time for another confrontation. I found her in the library, of course, that evening.

"Okay," I said, sitting across from her at her table. "We can do this the normal way."

She looked up from the pile of books she was reading that were placed in front of her. "Or we can do this the nonexistent way," she retorted.

I frowned. "Why do you have to be so annoying about this? Why can't you just help me? Would you rather me just wither away!"

She started to open her mouth.

"Okay – bad question," I interrupted. "How about you just go on one date with me?"

"No." She looked back down at her work.

"Granger," I said. "Come on, here. I'm not twelve years old anymore. I'm not going to waltz around calling you Mudblood. Have I done that in the past two years?"

She didn't respond.

"That wasn't rhetorical. I'm asking you this seriously."

"I don't know," she finally said, looking up. "I've sort of lost track."

"Let me make it up to you," I begged. I was begging a Mudblood. "Just go on _one, tiny, little_ date with me." I was asking out a Mudblood.

"Make what up to me?" she asked, looking a good mix of pissed and skeptical. "Make up all those years of hell? That's not going to happen, Malfoy, especially not from one date with _you_, you idiot." She snapped one of her books closed for dramatic effect. "Now please. Leave me _alone_."

I was walking away completely unsatisfied from a Mudblood.

I hated that ho-bag with all my heart.

**0000**

**A/N: **Short. I know. And it took forever to update because I was away and there was Christmas and what not. Please review! I'll give you the first season of Arrested Development on DVD. I like that show. It's narrated by Ron Howard )


	3. Intrigue

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry I'm such a slow updater recently… I'm afraid to start and then get a writer's block or something, which often happens… I don't know if I'm contradicting myself here, but what I'm keeping from HBP is that Dumbledore was killed by Snape and Draco had his little internal conflict that he had in that scene in the book and Slughorn is the Potions teacher…

**hedwigmail: **Yay, someone else likes Arrested Development! Haha. I'm glad you like her sarcasm because I was thinking that I was making her a bit OOC. Thanks for reviewing!

**Nova-Janna: **I didn't even realize I was doing that! Sorry and thanks for catching the mistake. Draco calling Hermione by her first name sort of makes sense because he's trying to woo her, but the other way around; not so much. Don't worry; it's going somewhere. Thanks for your review!

**xxlei: **Hahaha. Yeah… I guess I can see what you mean… Ssssh! Thanks for reviewing.

**Shan: **Haha! I'm sorry I haven't given you Annie's… There's actually a lot at my dad's house!

**Alenor: **Yup! Thanks for reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**0000**

That weekend there was a trip to Hogsmeade. I went – alone, of course – and to my surprise, I found Hermione staring into the window of a newly opened robe store. She was alone, as well. Peculiar.

"So why am I always finding you by yourself?" I asked, approaching her and staring into the window.

She jumped.

I continued speaking, "Waiting for Potter and Weasley? They're trying on new robes, perhaps?"

"This is a _witch_'s shop," Hermione explained, "So no."

"That was my point," I stated.

She didn't respond, but I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"But honestly, Granger, why are you alone?" I questioned, looking her in the eye and trying to sound at least somewhat sincere.

"And why, exactly, would it be any of your business, Malfoy?" she retorted, looking back at me.

I shrugged and turned my back to the store window. "Because I feel like we've grown closer in the past few weeks."

She scoffed. "You're disgusting," she said quietly, starting to walk down the narrow sidewalk.

"How am I disgusting?" I asked, catching up to her.

"Will you just leave me alone, Malfoy? Seriously," she said, walking faster. "Just stop bothering me. _Please_."

"I'm just trying to convince you that I'm not the same jerk I used to be," I replied, easily meeting her quick pace.

"You're just a different type of jerk, then?" she responded.

"No – Why can't you just trust me that I've changed?" I asked. She didn't respond. "There was a reason why I didn't kill Dumbledore that night –"

"Don't bring that into it, you –" she started.

"Hermione –"

She stopped. "_Don't_ call me Hermione," she said sternly. She turned on her heel and marched off.

"Why not?" I called after her.

She didn't respond.

**0000**

Most people would probably give up hope at that point. She had yelled at me more than once, was very annoyed at me, and clearly never wanted to see me again. But I wasn't about to let that stop me. One has to push and push and push as long as the subject is giving and believe me; Hermione was giving just as much as I needed her to.

That Monday Pansy cornered me in the common room.

"Draco, we haven't really… talked in a while," she said to me, walking forward until I fell into the lap of a chair behind me.

"That's too bad, but unfortunately I'm a bit busy –" I tried to stand up but she stopped me.

"Can I please have a conversation with you?" she asked.

I reluctantly leaned back in the chair.

"Draco…" she started in her signature whiny voice, "I miss us. I miss what we had. I think it was something special, and I wish we could go back to it."

Like I've never heard that one before.

"Pansy, you know that I'm not quite in the right condition for whatever you're gearing towards," I said.

She frowned. "Why? What did I do? Nobody wants me!"

This was getting a bit too awkward. "It's nothing personal," I told her, leaning forward in my chair. "You know that there's something up with me right now and I just need some time alone to figure things out. Don't take it personally." I stood up and patted her on the head before smiling down at her and getting out of that room as fast as possible. Why I even treaded back there is beyond me.

Without really thinking, I left the castle and began to walk around the grounds. The Sun was setting, shedding an orange glow on the snow. I walked all the way to my smoking spot before realizing that Hermione's mysterious place must be nearby. I decided to do a bit of exploring. It didn't really surprise me that I found her spot so easily, but what did surprise me was the fact that she happened to be there when I arrived. She was sitting, reading, bundled up in her winter clothes, against a tree at the edge of the forest.

And we all thought I was the crazy one.

"So, why would you choose sitting in the snow when the sun is about to go down, of all places, to read?" I questioned.

She dropped her book. "What is with you and sneaking up on me?" she snapped, picking the brown hardcover off the ground and brushing it off with a gloved hand.

"You look cold," I said, ignoring her question as she did mine.

"I'm not."

I magically generated some hot chocolate – a skill I still possessed from my peak as a Sex God – and offered it to her.

She looked even more surprised than when I had scared her for the third time.

"What is this, some sort of peace offering?" she asked snidely.

I shrugged. "Or you can just swallow your pride and take it," I suggested.

She hesitated before taking the steaming mug from my hand. She waited a minute before actually drinking from it. "I don't understand you," she finally said after a few minutes' awkward silence.

"You don't have to," I said. "But you should probably go inside because when the sun goes down, you most likely _will_ freeze out here."

"Fine," she said unhappily, standing up.

"Would you like me to go ahead of you so we don't have to be seen together?" I asked sarcastically.

She stared down at her hot chocolate, for some reason not responding to _that_ of all statements.

I took that as a yes and headed back toward the castle.

I was starting to win.

**0000**

The week went by slowly. I was bored Thursday afternoon, so I decided to actually do my homework. I wasn't going to do it in the common room, we all knew that the prefect's dormitory was no longer totally my hideout, and I wasn't about to go back to my room in the Slytherin dormitories. So I settled with the library.

I made myself comfortable toward the back of the massive room, spreading my books across a circular table. I worked for around an hour when I received a pleasant interruption.

She didn't say anything at first; I just noticed her standing above me.

"Um… What are you doing here… alone…?" Hermione asked, trying to sound obnoxious.

"My homework," I responded simply.

"Since when do you do homework?" she questioned.

"Occasionally," was my answer.

She didn't say anything for a minute, although she looked like she quite desperately wanted to speak.

"Was there something else you wanted to say to me?" I wondered aloud.

She chewed on the inside of her lip. "Thanks for the hot chocolate," she finally said, narrowing her eyes as though trying to sound menacing while thanking me. She paused. "I guess," she added. She turned and left as quietly as she had arrived.

What did I say? Progress, progress, progress.

**0000**

I picked lightly at my food during lunch the next day. As I've said, I didn't have much of an appetite throughout this whole ordeal. I was sitting close to the end of the table and Blaise happened to be sitting next to me.

"I haven't seen you in a while," he said, chewing on a small piece of chicken.

I shrugged. "Guess not."

"What've you been up to? You don't even sleep in the dorm anymore, do you?" he asked.

"No," I said quietly, shaking my head. "I've just been around, you know."

"No, I know what that normally would mean," Blaise replied. "But lately something's been up. You can't just constantly mope around like this."

"I can't help it," I said.

"Yes you can," Blaise retorted. "You have to try. Oh – I have an idea; how about we throw you like… a bachelor party! Except you're not getting married but, you know, something like it."

I forced a laugh. "Unfortunately I don't think that's going to help me, but if you need an excuse to hire a stripper go right ahead."

Of course they have strippers in the wizard world, you oaf.

"Seriously," Blaise continued. "We need to do something. And until you or I think of anything, I'm getting ready for that stripper." He stood up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to get to." He left the Dining Hall.

I sighed. Blaise loved to plan random events like that. And he would never, ever deny himself a stripper. But I knew that would do nothing for my situation. I knew that she was my one and only hope. A stripper is just there to look at for a while, and unhappily for me, that wasn't going to be enough. Anyway, when a Malfoy sets his mind to something, he doesn't give up, and my mind was set to Hermione.

**0000**

**A/N: **This chapter was kind of cheesy. And I feel like I'm rushing with the Draco-Hermione business so I added the stuff with Blaise and Pansy, although they don't work well with the storyline, as it turned out… Ugh. Oh well, please review this crap chapter anyway. Thanks a lot! I'll give you some Lindt chocolate truffles because they're very good.


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